|
|||||||
|
|
|
|||||
|
|
|||||||
|
Oct. 30, 2000 Today has been a surprise and day of testing my beliefs. Was running against the clock( when aren’t I anymore?) My own fault as I wanted to catch “just one more wink” before I started on what I knew was to be another busy week. I am Too tired Too much. Was in the shower and while washing under my left arm found an unusual /new lump near my breast. That area and closer farther into the breast have been uncomfortable and often burny for quite sometime. I keep buying different bras thinking they and the work I do by lifting things over my head have been irritating the cystic fibroid thingys I’ve had for over 25 years. Put it aside until after I got ready and out the house. Frank had my breakfast sandwich(bacon & tomato on whole oat bread) ready, my car warmed and my kiss waiting. No time to say anything to him- it would wait until tonight. Yesterday, when Chris and Kayla were here, while was in cooking, Chris had come to me and asked if I was ok. I told him yeah, just get tired faster these days- must be because I’m gettin’ old. He then hugged me and told me to start taking some time for myself. A little earlier Nicci had called from Maine, and asked if they bought the ticket could I come out after the holidays? I told her let’s see what’s happin’ then, work is busy and all. Little did I know. And how much were they sensing? AS I drove off and around “Lake Poopoo” I thought about the difference in how this lump felt as opposed to the others.... I glanced around and saw the Glorious red sunrise out on the snow dusted mountains and Knew! I asked my inner”Wakanda” spirits, “This is what I think it is isn’t it? And this is another reason we are here? More to teach/learn?” As I admired Earth Mother again, I felt an energy and calmness come into me through my upper auras and the white/blueness radiate down through my head, shoulders and my whole body. Leaving a source of strength(energy) through all my gates(chakras) and then radiating from my kundalini(chi). Ok self, this is going to be a REAL test in what you believe in both spiritually and physically and your trust in Earth Mother and how she can help us. Yes, but let’s get the store opened and then see if we can find a way to establish what we are dealing with, then go from there. First customer in, Mrs. Sandy Harmon, a wonderful, upbeat radiant lady, newly remarried, who just loves life! We chatted for a few about her lifestyle change due to hubby’s new(additional) job, and how she’s tired alot...and wasn’t life supposed to slow down after 50 not get busier? ( the time and energy Comments made a lot from customers running hither and yon.) Then she told me she had a mass in her stomach, they think is ovarian cancer- but she’s still going through tests, and waiting for results... the story is the same with a lot of folks when it comes to test results...I don’t know why, but I told her what I had just found...we offered each other encouragement and good thoughts, and will keep each other updated. Lots of thoughts when alone- I can deal with whatever... but my family and friends- how to tell/help.. their reactions. First a call to Brad Corbin, my chiro and friend for lots of years... he couldn’t answer too many questions about shape and feel and location- really not his field. But did encourage me to get a mammo so we know where we stand. He said it could be an inflamed muscle(from work) or lymph gland if I was fighting a cold or something. I expressed my feelings about chemo,radiation and invasive surgery, and he understood ,even where the biopsys were conscerned, but did urge me not to stick my head in the sand. Rick came in with my load of clothes - looked at me and asked if I was ok. Said I looked real tired- was it a bad weekend? Rick and I have known each other over 10 years and can read each other like mates. Always have been- old soul friends, I guess. I told him what I found- he asked if I told Frank yet, I told him no and why. This was the first time tears started- couldn’t stop them- quess reality hitting. WE joked a little and he, like Brad encouraged me to find out what we’re dealing with, and that he could get me Buddy passes to go see Nicci and Cindy if necessary.Things calmed down as we unloaded the truck. Later I called a cancer screening place in the phone book and the prices were $150-250(if a sonagram was needed) . We don’t have that kind of extra cash right now, but she suggested I look for a clinic- find one that offered low cost/free screenings. I looked under clinics in yellow pages and found Planned Parenthood- and they do cancer screenings- what the hell- give ‘em a call. They told me I qualify for a free screening, Pap smear, and mammo, since I’m over 40 and no insurance. Told her I don’t need the Pap had hysterectomy 24 years ago..yes you do and besides it’s part of the package. Thanked her and told her I would call back for appointment- had to think this through. Called a county clinic..HARWC got same basic info about free program,left messages to get more info, called American Cancer society and Breast Cancer society just to get info on other physical reactions/manifestations and same from both as with above..sorry your Dr. has to give you that info, we can’t and nobody can without mammo and biopsy. Thanks A Lot. When I told Frank, he turned a little ashen. Then said we would deal with whatever we had to, but would I consider finding out for sure what it was? I had already figured I would call tomorrow to Planned Parenthood and/or HARWC to set up screening. And as ALWAYS Frank assured me he loved me and would be there for me NO matter what. I Know the shock of this isn’t going to do his dermatitist any good, and he was Just getting under control thanks to John at Burton’s Wellness Center. OK- keep hands off it- and call tomorrow. And NO MORE WORRYING until I get testing done. And now to a hot tubby- maybe the salts and hot water will pull it out, and it’s just an inflamed something or other, and it will be gone. But we know, don’t we spirits... |